I respect people’s opinions and beliefs. If someone felt the need to launch into a twenty-minute dissertation on how fantastic the Twilight series is, I would listen and nod my head during all the appropriate conversational gaps. I’d be fascinated to hear how much of a strong female lead Bella is, or how Edward is the standard to which all men should henceforth be held. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I personally find Bella to be an attention starved co-dependant, and I view Edward as a controlling self-hating narcissist – but I would still listen. I’d listen because a) I value relationships above opinions and b) there is a précis to back up this argument.

Be that as it may, if someone who had never taken the time to delve into the literary genius and philosophical masterpiece that is the Twilight series (note: the sarcasm train is up and running) felt the need to waste my time with their opinion on it, I may respond to their unprecedented opinion with song lyrics from a widely despised 80’s pop band. In example:

Person: The Twilight series is pure shit, nobody cares about Vampires

Me: Hmm…did you read the books? Or any book about vampires?

Person: Well, no, but how could anything about Vampires be good?

Me: …TAKE IT ON THE RUN BABY! IF THAT’S THE WAY YOU WANT IT BABY

Let me make something very clear: I find the Twilight series god-awful. The prose are subpar, the characters are flimsy as lint, and it contains no element of greater truth – apart from instilling the belief that you need a cute boy to save you into every preteen in America. But for this person to say that “nobody cares about Vampires” when great works such as Anne Rice’s Interview With the Vampire or Bram Stoker’s Dracula exist, is to make an uneducated claim. Those I will not stand for. I will call you out via REO Speedwagon, maybe some Bad Company, or, if I’m feeling really feisty, some Styx (Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto). I refuse to engage in an argument with people who have nothing worth contributing to my mental hemisphere.

Now that we’ve established my modus operandi when dealing with other people, I will proceed to explain what you can expect when dealing with me. If you were unable to deduce that the Twilight example is a metaphor for opinions of much greater magnitude, then I believe the content of this site may prove a little out of your depth. Feel free to go check out another source of information – I hear Fox News is great, and has some well-researched news stories. Like that one time Todd Starnes said liberals had implemented a Facebook algorithm to get conservatives banned from the site. That’s some great journalism, Todd.

I digress.

I am not here to provide the overly-provocative insights of a disgruntled youth, and I am not here to make you agree with me. I am here to offer one perspective. Whether you choose to agree with it, choose to allow it to solidify your own opposing standpoint, or print out my articles and burn them to roast a mean weenie, I do not care. I do promise one thing: all of my opinions will be based on strenuous research, and this research will be used to taper my beliefs within the realm of factual reality. My goal is honesty, transparency, and a bit of comedy.

My aim is to trash the notion of polarized viewpoints accrued through an us vs. them mentality. I recognize the world not as a binary, rather as a fractal with infinite parts constantly in motion – forces shaping a reality whose origin remains unclear. There are currently billions of sentient beings whose life or story I will never know: waiters who are feeling something akin to violence should another customer jip them on their 20%, data entry drones who wouldn’t survive without their headphones alive with heavy metal, cars I’ll flip the bird to without remembering there is a human inside who really needed to change lanes…at the last second…without using a blinker. It’s a circus. It’s chaos. But amidst chaos there is a core link established between myself and every other person on the planet: I am a human being. But the thing is, I’m still trying to figure out what that means, and this pursuit serves as the purpose for this site.